For I know the plans i have for you!

For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Jeremiah. 29:11

This verse keeps being brought to my attention for the last week. i am thinking God is trying to tell me something! I mean I know that God knows the plans that he has for me and I know they are good plans, I just still get so caught up in the everything else.
I have struggled with this i feel like my entire life. See when i was 2 my parents got a divorce, and my mother didn't want me and my dad did so off I went to my dads I was 2 so I didn't think anything of the fact that my mother never wanted me. I found this out later in life, like when I was 7 and waiting for her to come pick me up so i could spend a weekend with her, but she would ever show. or that she never ever called me on my birthday let alone sent a card. i was the invisible child. when I was 3 my dad married my step-mom who loved me and raised me as her own, but she was strict and she had harsh words like"you'll never amount to anything" "you're fat, you better watch out or you'll be huge" etc... etc... as a child and young teenager i had a feeling of being not wanted. A failure.
 But the Lord knows the plans he has for me!
So I get married and life is good despite your normal getting to know each other stuff and normal marriage stuff.  Then we try to get pregnant! Dun Dun Dun....
We tried for over a year and then began fertility testing and stuff and it comes to find out that my husband  has 0 sperm motility. This came as a huge hit to us, we spiraled into a depression so unexplainable and noone knew what we were going through, and noone ever will. Unless you have gone through it. I felt unloved by my God.
So we get this news and noone knows how to be our friends and so we just kind of graze through our life trying to remember "For I know the Plans i have for you!" And also Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose!
This was so hard to hold onto during those years when we were surrounded by so many people getting pregnant and having babies. I mean literally every month for a year someone new was pregnant. In fact one of my friends had 2 in the years we didn't. My question God do you love me do you hear me ? But we kept looking to God knowing he had a plan for He wanted to bless us. and after 4 years of trying we adopted our son Tyler. God had provided and had given us a child. It was a total God thing, The girl didn't know us and knew my father and called him up and asked if we wanted to adopt her baby she was pregnant with, Total God. And you know what our son looks just like us! He put our baby in someone else.
Now fast forward a few years our son is almost 3 and we are thinking hey we really want another child, but this time we are like ok we really want to be pregnant and so we start praying and trying again and for one whole year nothing,  and we start getting discouraged. And everyone around us is pregnant! I counted the other day and we know 14 people pregnant right now, So I keep asking God to tell me why this is happening and I am begging him to take this desire of being pregnant to go away and he is not taking it. You know that song Need you now by plumb, that is my life's song right now thanks to my best friend sharing it with me LOL here is the song,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ylnx0NA9X4

That is how I have been feeling for the past month and then God keeps putting these two verses in my head Jer. 29:11 and Romans 8:28 and they spoke about them at my retreat this weekend and then I keep seeing them on Facebook or in a store etc.... So I think God is trying to talk to me, i am trying to put my mind aside so I can listen, and it is so hard seeing everybody around being able to have the one thing thing you can't. I am so super happy for them all but I am breaking inside every time I have to see them, or hear them talk about their pregnancies.  But I am surrendering this to God and giving it to him, I pray that if it is not meant to be he would put me out of my misery and just take this away.
I know God can do amazing things and that someday I will be able to show God's glory through it. I pray that.

God is never ceasing!!

As much as I know this and as much as I believe this, it still amazes me how amazing our God is! I mean really, He never ceases to amaze me. Even when I dont believe or doubt something he makes it happen. How awesome is he. How can people sit there and say there is no God, I dont get it.

So today my very best friend came over to work (I own a daycare and she is my assistant) and she says that she wants to take a pregnancy test even though she doesnt think she is cause of infertility issues and such, but that she was nauseous this morning and having pains in her uterus... So I went and bought a pregnancy test for her well 3 actually! And she is pregnant!
Her and her husband started trying about 11 months ago and havent had any success they even got tests done to see if anything is wrong and comes to find out that he doesn't have good motility (the same as my husband, but not as bad) and that insemination is thier only option! Well ladies and gentlemen God is like no I am the Doctor and I am going to prove it!! After being told all this horrible stuff and how she probably doesn't ovulate and so on God took all that and blessed them! I am over the moon excited for them.
It just reminds me how wonderful our God is. When you have faith and you ask and you totally surrender it to God amazing miraculous things can happen!  How can one say that a God does not exist when he does things like this. And has for thousands of years. I mean take Hannah for example she prayed and prayed and prayed for a baby and many years went by and she stayed faithful and God blessed her with a child!
I know this may never happen to me, but it makes me have even more faith that God can overcome anything! All you have to do is put your trust and faith in him!
How amazing that such a tiny thing (a baby) can show God's glory so much more than any adult!